ILAN LI
INTIMACY ARCHITECT
Design an intimate life you love.
Private guidance and education in sex, desire and relationships.
Bangkok-basedOnline worldwide
In-person by arrangement:
SingaporeHong KongTokyo
Other locations by arrangement.
Men, women and couples.
First experiences welcome · 18+
To desire. To feel desired. To experience pleasure. To look forward to seeing each other — even after years together.
To have someone you can talk to about what you want. To stay curious about each other. To discover more in yourself, in sex and in your relationships.
I help men, women and couples design their intimate lives — from the relationships they choose to the pleasure and connection they want to experience.
A difficulty, a new beginning or a desire for more can each be a starting point.
What would you like to do?
Start, change or deepen your intimate life. You can work on your own or with your partner.
Start
Begin dating or intimacy, for the first time or after a long break. Clarify what you want now and choose a pace that fits you.
Beginning again after a long breakChange
Understand what no longer fits in your choices, communication or relationship. Prepare an honest conversation without deciding for your partner.
Talking about change without pressureDeepen
Explore more closeness, pleasure and novelty when much of your intimate life already works. Choose what to keep and what to explore, on your own or with a partner.
What happens in the first session?Private guidance and education for adults 18+. In English or Russian. On your own or with your partner.
A clear place to begin
Your first session.
You can come with a question, a desire or a situation you want to understand — on your own or with your partner.
- What we do
- We explore what is happening, what you want from your intimate life and where to begin.
- What you receive
- A short written map of your priorities and first steps.
- Before you book
- Before you book, we agree on the format, duration and fee, and when you will receive your written map. You decide separately whether to continue.
Further work can include education, exercises to practise independently or with your partner, and feedback.
Sessions in English or Russian.
Some desires are hard to put into words.
A fantasy you have never discussed. A part of yourself you usually keep hidden. A question that feels too basic, too personal or too unexpected.
We can talk about that too.
I will listen openly, without rushing to conclusions. We can explore what draws you to it, what you want to keep as a fantasy and what you might want to discuss with a partner.
You choose what to share and how far to go. You can begin with: “This is difficult for me to talk about.”
When the situation is more complex.
Sometimes the question involves a marriage, another relationship, family commitments, money or reputation. We examine competing desires, existing agreements and what each possible direction would mean for everyone involved.
The focus remains your intimate life — with the care its consequences require.
The work
Your personal MBA in intimacy.
We study for our careers. We train our bodies.
Who taught us intimacy?
How to understand desire, talk about sex, give and receive pleasure — there is room to learn, whatever your experience.
Master of Intimacy Administration.
My own twist on the MBA: a metaphor for serious learning, practice and personal feedback.
Five areas. One intimate life.
We look at the areas that shape your question.
- Core
- Your desires, values and the habits behind your choices.
- Health
- Energy, sleep, stress and physical comfort. Questions of diagnosis and treatment belong with a doctor.
- Image
- How you look, move, speak and flirt. How you show interest and feel attractive.
- Relationships
- Who you choose, mutual interest and the arrangements you freely agree on — from partnership to sex without a relationship.
- Intimacy
- Desire, pleasure, touch, fantasies and sexual communication. What you enjoy and what you want to explore.
From understanding to practice.
Understand what you want.
We examine specific situations: what happens, what repeats and what you would like to experience differently.
Design your way forward.
You decide what to change, what to keep and where to begin. I help you weigh the options.
Learn and practise.
We develop the sexual and communication skills relevant to you, prepare conversations and choose exercises for you to use independently or with your partner.
Apply, review, adjust.
You try the agreed steps in your own life. We discuss what happened and adjust where needed.
Ilan Li
Someone you can speak openly with.
Since 2016, I have worked privately with individuals and couples, teaching sexual skills, including touch, massage and BDSM practices. I developed this work alongside my business career, through individual sessions and long-term work.
Today, my work combines private guidance with practical education. Sessions do not include sexual contact with me. Clients explore intimate exercises independently or with their partner.
I am not a medical doctor or a licensed psychotherapist. My role is education and private guidance.
My training spans sex and relationship coaching, consent, female pleasure, body awareness, breath and voice. I bring a structured way of thinking to a deeply personal subject — without taking the pleasure out of it.
My legal education and experience in management and business help me examine choices and their consequences. Marriage, fatherhood and life in different countries add a personal perspective.
You can be serious with me. You can laugh. You can say “I don’t know” and start there.
I ask direct questions, listen closely and notice contradictions. We will look for decisions and actions that fit your life and your desires.
You work with me personally.
My preparation includes individual instruction, seminars, workshops, online learning and independent study. It covers sexual skills, pleasure, consent, body awareness and communication.
Locations below refer to the schools and programmes, including those studied online.
- Somatica Institute
- California, USA
- Sex and relationship coaching.
- Sex Coach U
- Austin, Texas, USA
- Sex coaching.
- School of Consent / Betty Martin
- Seattle, Washington, USA
- Like a Pro and the Wheel of Consent.
- Sexual Health Alliance / Midori
- USA
- Kink-informed education.
- Sexual Health Alliance / Elisabeth Sheff
- USA
- Consensual non-monogamy.
- Mantak Chia / Tao Garden
- Chiang Mai, Thailand
- Taoist sexuality and sexual alchemy.
- Urban Tantra / Barbara Carrellas
- New York, USA · International
- Urban Tantra professional training.
- Talli Rosenbaum
- Israel · International
- Sex therapy coursework.
- National Institute of Sexology and Sexual Health
- Kyiv, Ukraine
- Sexology studies.
- Prague Shibari Festival
- Prague, Czech Republic
- Shibari and BDSM workshops.
- xplore Berlin
- Berlin, Germany
- Sexuality, bodywork and kink workshops.
- ISTA
- Israel · Thailand · Europe
- Level 1 and practitioner training.
Personal work. Clear terms.
For adults aged 18 and over.
You choose what to share and how far to go.
I provide private guidance and education. I do not diagnose or treat medical or mental health conditions, and my work does not replace medical care or psychotherapy.
For pain or other medical concerns, consult a doctor. For mental-health concerns, consult an appropriately qualified professional.
Sessions do not include sexual services or sexual contact with me.
You may make your first inquiry under a pseudonym. Recording a session or contacting your partner or anyone else requires a separate agreement in advance.
Before we begin, you will know how your personal information will be handled and the limits of confidentiality. A general outline is enough for your first message. Please do not send intimate materials or other people’s private messages.
Start a conversation.
A general outline is enough for your first message. You can also start with: ‘I’d like to ask about a first session, the fee and confidentiality.’
Please do not send intimate images, medical records or other people’s private messages.
Before sharing sensitive details, ask how your information will be handled and what the limits of confidentiality are.
I will tell you whether I can help with your question and explain the terms before you book.